Originally Posted by
Snocat
Dear Sir or Madame:
I'm forty years old and the only video game I play is Minecraft. If you were to look up Newbie in the dictionary you'd see a picture of me shaking my iPad and wondering why the lines don't disappear. I do so miss my Etch-A-Sketch. I started playing Kingdom Age today and I've gone so horribly wrong that I'm expecting the Internet Police to show up on my doorstep with a Cease and Desist Notice.
I like the game but after reading the articles on this website I'm more than certain that I'm about to have my ass handed to me in a Tupperware Container. As such, if one of you more kindly minded folk would volunteer to help a poor Newfoundlander out, well it would be greatly appreciated!
Judging by the other articles I guess I should do this in a numerical fashion, so on to number one.
1) I understand that it takes energy to fight. That makes sense. However I find myself sitting on my arse for about fifty five minutes to get the blue energy bar full only to expend that energy in a minute! I read on this website that you can get good items by attacking monsters on the furthest page you get. Well, I just spent the better part of four hours smacking a Magma Man in Lanibod's Crypt and all I got was the finger as his ephemeral remains departed for greener pastures. I hope he ends up in that level of hades where all they do is sing the "Sound of Music".
2) I keep reading on this site about people "camping" but I'll be damned if I can find it! Also, when I got a bakery it said that I did good to feed the troops but I can't find a logistics page. It said the troops were happy but I can't find anything on their morale either.
3) I guess I ate my Wheaties this morning because when I first started I went out and leveled a bunch of buildings, now I feel guilty because I found out after that it wasn't the computer I was beating on but some poor bugger like me who probably went to water the lilly's and came back to find his hard wrought work had just chased the damned lilly's down the toilet. I don't know who it was but I apologise profusely.
4) Someone with the the unwieldy username "askljdhaf4" said "If you own two of every building, and 95% of your hood is level 1, you are retarded. " I may be a borderline case of Down's Syndrome. I've been trying to create an infrastructure that would supply me enough currency so's I can implement my plan of World Domination. That being said, I haven't bought any military units or weaponry or even armor for that matter. What I have is not so much an army as it is a Boy Scout Troop, but with a fat kid that can sit on you and fart, it's a VERY scary Boy Scout Troop. In hindsight this seems like it may not be so good. Is there anything in particular I should be looking for? Mebe a suitcase nuke?
5) Though I'm not exactly sure why, I'm getting the distinct feeling that I should be getting allies for this game. I don't know anyone who plays this and they wouldn't want me for an ally anyway because I'd just come visit, drink their beer, and impregnate their women... damn allies with no sense of humor... but if you're up for a charity case and you drink Canadian Beer, hell, me and Boy Scouts will have your back. Waaaaaay back.
6) I'm damned if I know how you folk get your game statistics to show up at the bottom so I'm just going to type it all in. And speaking of typing, my computer sounds like a vulture in a gut truck so I'm typing this on an iPad. That means any typos in this missive are due to the autocorrect chummy and not me. I don't proof read, I don't expect to live that long. So when I typed "hello" and autocorrect said "screw you, you dork", please send your complaints to Apple just like I do. Damnedest thing though, whenever I send a complaint to Apple on my iPhone it always comes out as "You numbah one GI, me buy your products long time! Kissy. Kissy."
_____________
Snocat
ID: 405-989-031
Level: 8
Hourly Income: 338 - Attack: 24 - Defense: 38
Raids: Wins 9 - Losses 1
Playing since 6:00 this morning Newfoundland Time!