Jokes Thread - Zokes!

[Mcdoc]

So - I know we all come across good Jokes here and there - and for comic relief I think it's fun to share them with others. There may already be a thread like this - but I couldn't find it - THUS the made up word ZOKES which should be easy to find in the future!

Come on in - post a joke - laugh until your side hurts!

But if you get offended by jokes about sex or fat jokes or anything that you might be "sensitive" about - then avoid this thread.

Now let's have some GOOD laughs!

[Mcdoc]

ZOKES:

On January 9th, a group of bikers were riding west on I-74 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Murray Baker Bridge. So they stopped.

http://img687.imageshack.us/img687/5426/zokesbiker.jpg (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/687/zokesbiker.jpg/)



George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper, and says, "What are you doing?"

She says, "I'm going to commit suicide."

While he didn't want to appear "sensitive," he didn't want to miss a be-a-legend opportunity either so he asked ... "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?"

So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that ... and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another one.

After they finished, George gets approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper, and says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had Honey! That's a real talent you're wasting Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why are you committing suicide?"

"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl."

It's still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed.

[Jhoemel]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!


Nice one superman. Ill do the same if that was me. haha

[Mcdoc]

Dear Family and Friends,

Most of you know our friend, Kathy, went in for a surgical procedure for a Butt Lift at the Walmart Medical Center . She didn't have the most pleasant experience. She should have left well enough alone.

We wanted to show you how it turned out. We hope this keeps YOU from having this done.

Please, PLEASE, PLEASE . . Don't get a Butt Lift at the Walmart Medical Center . You will most certainly regret it!!!
.
http://img692.imageshack.us/img692/8641/zokesbuttlift.jpg (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/692/zokesbuttlift.jpg/)

[Mcdoc]

"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper."

"What ? Are you crazy ? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping,

all the dishes are dirty and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal !"

"I know all that."

"Then why did you invite a friend for supper ?"

"Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."

[Arizona]

McDoc, your images are not appearing and post 5, the text is black. (No joke):D

[Jhoemel]

YEah I cant see the image too

[Mcdoc]

McDoc, your images are not appearing and post 5, the text is black. (No joke):D


YEah I cant see the image too

Refresh and look again :)

[Mcdoc]

This is VP Joe Biden Trying to "connect" with the President:



This takes sucking up to the boss to a whole new level!






Joe Biden





http://img443.imageshack.us/img443/2438/zokescornrollsvp.jpg

* (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/443/zokescornrollsvp.jpg/)Disclaimer - This isn't my joke - I'm just passing on the fun!

[Arizona]

Biden reminds me of the aliens from Alien Nation

[Arizona]

http://i48.tinypic.com/2rzanhe.jpg

[Arizona]

A bloke's wife goes missing while diving off the West Australian Coast
He reports the event, searches fruitlessly and spends a terrible night wondering what could have happened to her.

Next morning there's a knock at the door and he is confronted by a couple of policemen, the old Sarge and a younger Constable.

The Sarge says, 'Mate, we have some news for you, unfortunately some really bad news, but, some good news, and maybe some more good news'.

'Well,' says the bloke, 'I guess I'd better have the bad news first?'
The Sarge says, 'I'm really sorry mate, but your wife is dead.
Young Bill here found her lying at about five fathoms in a little cleft in the reef. He got a line around her and we pulled her up, but she was dead.'
The bloke is naturally distressed to hear of this and has a bit of a turn.
But after a few minutes he pulls himself together and asks what the good news is.
The Sarge says, 'Well when we got your wife up there were quite a few really good sized lobsters and a swag of nice crabs attached to her, so we've brought you your share.'
He hands the bloke a bag with a couple of nice lobsters and four or five crabs in it.
'Geez thanks. They're real beauties. I guess it's an ill wind and all that...
So what's the other possible good news?

'Well', the Sarge says, 'if you fancy a quick trip, me and young Bill here get off duty at around 11 o'clock and we're gonna shoot over there and pull her up again!

[War Priest]

Haha, wow these are funny. :)

[Baraka]

Quality lol.

[Mcdoc]

Lol. I think I found Boom's picture online, correct me if I'm wrong.http://www.clevelandseniors.com/images/funny/monkey-dog/monkey-dog-1.jpgI love accidental Jokes - this one deserves to be in this thread :)

[Dr. Dengus]

Not really a joke, but I found it quite funny.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BDPs7wfQOPA

link for those who can't see embedded videos: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BDPs7wfQOPA

[Arizona]

LMAO Dengus...
Anyway here's a guy we all love/hate
http://i49.tinypic.com/w9fyae.jpg

[Baraka]

Screaming goat lol.

People love been in the middle of that don't they lol.

[Alt2n8er]

A man comes home to his wife with a sheep under his arms.
Man says: Honey this is the pig I've been sleeping with.
Wife says: That's not a pig, it's a sheep.
Man says: Yeh, I was talking to the sheep.

[Arizona]

Do you want to join the Alzheimer's protest march? If so, learn the chant...

"What do we want?"

"I don't know!"

"When do we want it?"

"Want what?"

[Aidan]

Today, i was at Boots buying condoms, the check out girl asked me "Would you like a bag, sir?"

I replied: No thanks, she's not that ugly. 😁

[Arizona]

A man comes home to his wife with a sheep under his arms.
Man says: Honey this is the pig I've been sleeping with.
Wife says: That's not a pig, it's a sheep.
Man says: Yeh, I was talking to the sheep.
Best joke so far

[Mcdoc]

A man comes home to his wife with a sheep under his arms.Man says: Honey this is the pig I've been sleeping with.Wife says: That's not a pig, it's a sheep.Man says: Yeh, I was talking to the sheep.My Buddy keeps talking about this being a joke Gilfred Godfrey told at the Rosanne Barr Roast - but with a lot more vulgarity and his signature obnoxious yelling.

For your viewing pleasure:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h1dqYi3zZGI&feature=youtube_gdata_player

[Aidan]

Best joke so far

Agreed! Totally missed it. Classic wifey joke.


My wife just caught me blow drying my penis and asked what was I doing.

Apparently, "heating your dinner" wasn't the right answer.....

[Dr. Dengus]

Lol you're killing it Aidan.

[Tctiger]

Assault bear boost is a joke .

[Tctiger]

The new box event is another joke.
Anyway I went in to the gym the other day and asked the trainer if he could teach me to do the splits , he said "how flexable are you " , I said well I can make next Tuesday . Tommy cooper.

[Dr. Dengus]

http://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4/303784_269071203210087_162887075_n.jpg

[Mcdoc]

.
.
.
.

Meet my neighbor's Dog - she named him "****"

http://imageshack.us/a/img196/9726/zokesdognamed****.jpg (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/196/zokesdognamed****.jpg/)


We call him Cockinballs

Talk about an unfortunate Birthmark :/

[albeezy]

.
Meet my neighbor's Dog - she named him "****"
http://imageshack.us/a/img196/9726/zokesdognamed****.jpg (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/196/zokesdognamed****.jpg/)
We call him Cockinballs

that is hilarious! almost did a spit take when I got this one!

[Miner]

that is hilarious! almost did a spit take when I got this one!

Notice isn't not a brown dog with a white birthmark... If it were, the birthmark would have been much smaller.

[Mcdoc]

Notice isn't not a brown dog with a white birthmark... If it were, the birthmark would have been much smaller.

So you're saying White Dogs have Bigger Birth Marks? - LoL

[Miner]

So you're saying White Dogs have Bigger Birth Marks? - LoL

No, I'm saying white birthmarks are smaller than brown birthmarks! ;)

[Mcdoc]

.
.
.
Caption #1: Right about now - Jennifer begins to wonder how much testosterone their baby daughter will inherit from Mark's gene pool :?

http://imageshack.us/a/img209/2297/hairydude.jpg

C (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/209/hairydude.jpg/)aption #2: When Jennifer got her Baby Shower Announcements in the mail - She suddenly wished she had asked Mark to keep his shirt ON.


GO With it - What is Your Caption idea ? ? ?

[Mcdoc]

No, I'm saying white birthmarks are smaller than brown birthmarks! ;)

BUT - it's still the White Dog with the Bigger Birthmark - LoL

[Lordsloss]

Best joke so farGilbert Godfried did this joke on the Roast of Rosanne. It was a little dirtier but look it up and see if you can find it lol

[Mcdoc]

My Buddy keeps talking about this being a joke Gilfred Godfrey told at the Rosanne Barr Roast - but with a lot more vulgarity and his signature obnoxious yelling.

For your viewing pleasure:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h1dqYi3zZGI&feature=youtube_gdata_player


Gilbert Godfried did this joke on the Roast of Rosanne. It was a little dirtier but look it up and see if you can find it lol

Already posted it :)

[Miner]

BUT - it's still the White Dog with the Bigger Birthmark - LoL

hahaha. Yes. You're right -- though it sounds backwards when you say it like that!

[Mcdoc]

Caption #1: Billy always gets a good laugh at the bar with his Buddies when he shows off his tattoo - but he's a little shy about raising his hands during the worship songs at church:

http://imageshack.us/a/img52/162/tatoowa.png (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/52/tatoowa.png/)


Write your own caption: Go with it . . . .

[Mcdoc]

.
.
.
.

Caption #1: Friends don't let Friends get tattoos that are hard to explain to your 2 year old:

http://imageshack.us/a/img7/8015/monkeyttto.png (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/7/monkeyttto.png/)

[LuLu:)]

http://imageshack.us/a/img209/2297/hairydude.jpg

C (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/209/hairydude.jpg/)
Oh wow...... I bet she named her baby 'Boom' after his daddy

[Fifth Reich]

I have a joke. Arizona! Hahahahahahaha

[Dr. Dengus]

I have a joke. Arizona! Hahahahahahaha

The summers are extremely hot, but it's not a terrible place to live.

[Arizona]

Is that Nazi slut bee-atchin' at me or the good state of Arizona. Teutonic phucker!

Edit:
I apologise to the Germanic peoples. I meant to say Teutonic phuck stain.

[Lordsloss]

Already posted it :)Didn't read that far lol Sorry! I have his DVD dirty jokes. It is on Youtube, now those are hillarious :D

[Arizona]

re: the McDoc pic of pregnant lady.


Is that Paolo Di Canio?

[Baraka]

re: the McDoc pic of pregnant lady.


Is that Paolo Di Canio?


That's definitely Paulo di canio lol.

[joaquim]

Sorry if that joke offends any of you.

[Baraka]

Sorry if that joke offends any of you.Like that's bothered you before lol. That was quality. I have a simalar one but think its too bad for this thread lol.

[joaquim]

I know a couple of racist jokes that I found online that are against Mexicans and Blacks but I don't want to get banned.

No offense to the Mexicans and the Blacks but the jokes are really funny.

[Baraka]

Just do it. Lol.

[joaquim]

Why can't Mexicans play Uno?

Because they don't have green cards.



Why do Blacks only use their lefts?

Because they don't have rights.

[Baraka]

Why can't Mexicans play Uno?

Because they don't have green cards.



Why do Blacks only use their lefts?

Because they don't have rights.Genius. I take no responsibility for the ban. See juaco soon lol.

[joaquim]

Genius. I take no responsibility for the ban. See juaco soon lol.

How long will it be this time?

That is the question.

[joaquim]

And I got jokes than that.

[Dr. Dengus]

Please do not:

Advertise any product and / or service
Discuss locked threads or staff / moderator disciplinary actions
Discuss unreleased or Staging content that has not been posted or previewed
Engage in religious or political discussion
Flame, Troll, or otherwise be a nuisance
Go off topic
Hijack, Spam, or Necro a thread
Insult or deride any player or staff member
POST ALL IN CAPS
Post any content or engage in discussion about non-Funzio games
Post any form of nudity or sexual content
Post any form or racist or discriminatory content
Reveal your or anyone else's personal information
Swear or use any obscenities (Cutting out a single letter or replacing with symbols counts as swearing, we all know what you mean.)
Repeatedly bump a thread without adding new content.

Lol, banned much?

[joaquim]

Not yet...

[joaquim]

There's a black guy and a mexican in a car. Who's driving?

Neither, the cop is.

[joaquim]

There's 1000 black guys and 1 white guy. What's the white guy's name?

Warden

[Baraka]

Week at least lol.

[joaquim]

Week at least lol.

Well as long as it's not permanent I'll be ok.

[joaquim]

There are four people from different counties on the Empire State Building. One is Japanese, one is French, one is Mexican, and one is American. They all want to throw something off the building that they have a lot of in their country.

The Japanese guy goes first. He throws off sushi.
There is a lot of sushi in my country.

Next is the French guy. He throws off a condom.
There is too much love in my country.

Next is the Mexican. He throws off a taco.
There is too much taco in my country.

Next goes the American. He looks around him and picks the Mexican up and throws him of the building and says:
There are too much Mexicans in my country.

[Baraka]

LMAO At this rate it will be permanent.

[Miner]

joaquim -- it's been nice knowing you. what are you going to make your new forum ID be after this one is permanently banned?

[Baraka]

joaquim -- it's been nice knowing you. what are you going to make your new forum ID be after this one is permanently banned?Might be too late. Looks like he's gone already lol.

[joaquim]

I'm slowing down and only picking the really funny ones and not all of them to avoid too much racism.

Before I go, I want to say sorry to the people these jokes are about. This was for comical purposes only and this is NOT how I think about you people.

[joaquim]

joaquim -- it's been nice knowing you. what are you going to make your new forum ID be after this one is permanently banned?

Juaco is still here.

[joaquim]

Yo momma's so fat she sat on a rainbow and skittles popped out.

[Aidan]

European might get this one..


Breaking News!! Kate Middleton topless pic!!











http://i1075.photobucket.com/albums/w421/sly715091/5C2BDC86-4C5F-46EF-A438-6FCC3B21C113-2006-000001B7F7C6A386.jpg

[Baraka]

European might get this one..


Breaking News!! Kate Middleton topless pic!!











http://i1075.photobucket.com/albums/w421/sly715091/5C2BDC86-4C5F-46EF-A438-6FCC3B21C113-2006-000001B7F7C6A386.jpgLol. Have u actually managed to find the photo.

[Aidan]

Lol. Have u actually managed to find the photo.

Yeah but the pics bit blurry. It's French mag. Apparently the paparazzi tried to sell it to UK mags but none dare to publish it. So he sold it to the french.

[Baraka]

Yeah but the pics bit blurry. It's French mag. Apparently the paparazzi tried to sell it to UK mags but none dare to publish it. So he sold it to the french.I'm not surprised lol. Wat a great life paps have lol.

[Gambit12]

There are four people from different counties on the Empire State Building. One is Japanese, one is French, one is Mexican, and one is American. They all want to throw something off the building that they have a lot of in their country.

The Japanese guy goes first. He throws off sushi.
There is a lot of sushi in my country.

Next is the French guy. He throws off a condom.
There is too much love in my country.

Next is the Mexican. He throws off a taco.
There is too much taco in my country.

Next goes the American. He looks around him and picks the Mexican up and throws him of the building and says:
There are too much Mexicans in my country.

Hey i'm a mexican! better watch out boy..!! better watch you saying homie! i'll show you how mexican warrior is all about..!!

[Baraka]

Hey i'm a mexican! better watch out boy..!! better watch you saying homie! i'll show you how mexican warrior is all about..!!I think he's probably barred lol.

[Aidan]

Dirty internet!


http://i1075.photobucket.com/albums/w421/sly715091/7EDD19E2-EE9E-40D8-8FC2-F95AE8141D54-2542-00000221908E81FE.jpg

[joaquim]

Hey i'm a mexican! better watch out boy..!! better watch you saying homie! i'll show you how mexican warrior is all about..!!

Please read what I posted here.


Before I go, I want to say sorry to the people these jokes are about. This was for comical purposes only and this is NOT how I think about you people.

[Alaska Ken]

Joaqim, you still with us?

[Gambit12]

Please read what I posted here.

Yes, i read it loud & clear..!! its a bad joke...not really funny to us mexican warriors..!! there's a difference between a good joke & a bad joke..!!

[joaquim]

Joaqim, you still with us?

Yea still here. Ain't nothin' gonna take me down a third time!

[joaquim]

This one may be pushing it a bit.

What do you call a black preacher?

Holy sh!t.


No offense to any blacks that read this.

[Baraka]

This one may be pushing it a bit.

What do you call a black preacher?

Holy sh!t.


No offense to any blacks that read this.Just a bit. Gree must be having a day out or summat.how your still here is beyond me. And the invisible gold sale.

[Arizona]

http://i50.tinypic.com/34fjvi1.jpg

[Boom]

I knew a blonde that was so stupid that.......

* she called me to get my phone number.

* she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate."

* she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.

*she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.

*she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

*she tried to drown a fish.

*she thought a quarterback was a refund.

*she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.

*she tripped over a cordless phone.

*she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

*she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.

*she studied for a blood test.

*she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.

*when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.

*when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.

*when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home

[Mcdoc]

What do you call a guy who KILLS a great thread? Joaquimp :(

[joaquim]

There's no P in my name.

[Mcdoc]

There's no P in my name.

THAT was the Joke :)

Joaquimp: Pronounced Joke Wimp

[joaquim]

Not even close to how you pronounce my name.

Joaquim
Pronounciation: wakim

[joaquim]

And don't spell it like how it's pronounced.

[manbeast]

Not even close to how you pronounce my name.

Joaquim
Pronounciation: wakim

i like mcdoc's pronunciation better

[joaquim]

You think I give a f**k what you think?

[Hondo]

Why does an elephant paint his balls red?

To hide in apple trees!

What's the loudest sound in the jungle?

A monkey blighting an apple.

[Dreno33]

this is a video for laughs my friend and i made summer 2011. Had a good time filming and editing(:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wnYAi126-Lw

[joaquim]

There is a four story building. On the fourth story there is a butcher, on the third story there is a guy with a really long ****, on the second story there is a painter who likes to paint things green, and on the first story there is a guy who loves to eat pickles.
So one day, the guy on the third story had a problem, his **** was too hot so he stuck it out the window. Then the butcher thought it was salami and he chopped it off. It then fell down to the second story were the painter painted it green and accidentally threw it out the window and fell down in the pickle jar of the first story. Suddenly the guy in the first story picked the painted piece of **** from the jar and ate it. He then told his wife:
Ohh this pickle is yummy, especially with the white filling!

[Baraka]

O hell yeah here we go. Lol

[joaquim]

When do boys ask for a girl’s hand?
When they get bored by theirs!

[joaquim]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e2S3I3vPqjo

[joaquim]

A girl was wondering into the woods when suddenly she falls on her back. In the meantime, Pinocchio was strolling around there when suddenly he falls with his nose between the girls legs. The girl rushes to say to Pinocchio:
Quick, Pinocchio, tell a lie...

[joaquim]

A fireman is at the station house working outside on the fire truck when he notices a little girl next door. The little girl is in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the side.

She is wearing a fireman's hat and has the wagon tied to a dog. The fireman says "Hey little girl. What are you doing?" The little girl says "I'm pretending to be a fireman and this is my fire truck!"

The fireman walks over to take a closer look. "Little girl that sure is a nice fire truck!" the fireman says. "Thanks mister", says the little girl. The fireman looks a little closer and notices the little girl has tied the dog to the wagon by it's testicles.

"Little girl", says the fireman, "I don't want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the dog's neck I think you could go faster."

The little girl says, "You're probably right mister, but then I wouldn't have a siren!"

[joaquim]

Similar to my first joke but still funny.



One day two very loving parents got into a huge fight, the man called the women a "b!tch" and the women called the man a "bastard".

Their son walked in and said "What does b!tch and bastard mean?" and the parents replied "ladies and gentlemen".

The next day the parents decided to have sex, the women said "feel my titties" and the man said "feel my ****".

Their son walked in and asked "What does titties and **** mean?" and the parents replied "hats and coats".

On Thanksgiving the dad was shaving and he cut himself, "Sh!t" he said, the kid came in and asked "What's that mean" and the man said it was the brand shaving cream he was using.

Down stairs the mom was preparing the turkey, and she cut herself, "F**k" she said. Once again the kid asked "What's that mean" the mom said that is what she calls stuffing the turkey.

Then the door bell rang. The kid answered the door to his relatives and said "Alright you b!tches and bastards, put your ****s and titties in the closet, my dad is upstairs wiping the sh!t off his face, and my mom is in the kitchen f**king the turkey!

[joaquim]

Another one similar to the first one.


Little Johnny sees his mother walk out of the shower and sees her vagina.

He asks her what it is and she embarassed replies, "Oh, that's mommy's black sponge."

A few days later, Johnny spills a glass of milk on the floor and says, "Mommy, I need your black sponge to mop up the milk!"

She replies, "I lost it, honey."

A couple of days later, he comes running up to her and says, "Mommy, I found your black sponge!" Mystified, she says, "Where, honey?"

Little Johnny says, "It's over at Mrs. Johnson's house, and Daddy's washing his face in it!"

[joaquim]

One day there was this man that went to a beach completely naked even though the beach was a non-nude beach.

But the man thought and thought looking around. Nobody is here so he doesn't care. He takes off his towel and lays down with a newspaper to cover his privates just in case.

Soon comes a little girl that asks "Sir, what's under the newspaper?"

The man replies with "it's a birdy and never ever touch it."

He soon falls asleep.

Later on when he wakes up, he's in the hospital feeling immense pain around his private area. The doctors ask what happened and all he could remember was the girl at the beach.

Later on the cops arrive at her house asking what she had done. She said "well I was playing with the birdy but then it spit this white stuff at me. I got really mad. So I broke it's neck, stepped on it's eggs, and burned it's nest."

[Mcdoc]

Sucks that my awesome thread was invaded by Close Enounters of the 3rd Grade.

[Buggs1a]

Yeah he is sick. He needs To see a psychotherapist. Truly he has a sick and evil mind. He seriously needs help. I have reported him many times and will be taking this up with the authorities.

[helli0n]

Yeah he is sick. He needs To see a psychotherapist. Truly he has a sick and evil mind. He seriously needs help. I have reported him many times and will be taking this up with the authorities.

they are just jokes, no one forced you to read them lol

[Baraka]

Yeah he is sick. He needs To see a psychotherapist. Truly he has a sick and evil mind. He seriously needs help. I have reported him many times and will be taking this up with the authorities.Now that's was a funny read. Its a joke. Report him to authorities lol.

[Ryans67]

Yeah he is sick. He needs To see a psychotherapist. Truly he has a sick and evil mind. He seriously needs help. I have reported him many times and will be taking this up with the authorities.

And the 40 year old virgin stops by to express his views....

[Baraka]

And the 40 year old virgin stops by to express his views....Quality lol.

[spectra]

I have been LMAO!!! with these jokes

I want to add a very straight forward visual joke

I hope you all enjoy it

Cheers

http://i227.photobucket.com/albums/dd299/spectra69/Number1.jpg






http://i227.photobucket.com/albums/dd299/spectra69/Number2.jpg








http://i227.photobucket.com/albums/dd299/spectra69/Number3.jpg

[spectra]

http://i227.photobucket.com/albums/dd299/spectra69/Number4.jpg











http://i227.photobucket.com/albums/dd299/spectra69/Number5.jpg













AND................................








http://i227.photobucket.com/albums/dd299/spectra69/Number6.jpg


BWAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Arizona]

http://i49.tinypic.com/2ntwpjp.jpg

[Baraka]

@spectra & @arizona both well funny.

[War Priest]

One day a boy asked his dad daddy can I take a shower with you? and the dad said yes but don't down. Then the boy looked down and asked daddy what's that? and the dad said that's a snake. Then the next day the boy asked his mom mommy can I take a shower with you? and the mom said yes but don't look up or down and the boy looked up and asked mommy what are those? and the mom said those are my headlights. Then the boy looked down and said mommy what's that? and the mom said that's my garden. Then the next night the boy asked his parents mommy, daddy can I sleep with you guys? and the parents said yes but don't look down. Then the boy looked down and yelled MOMMY MOMMY TURN ON YOUR HEADLIGHTS THERE'S A SNAKE IN YOUR GARDEN!

Seriously? You must be young. I heard that when I was like 7 and I am now 21.

[joaquim]

Sucks that my awesome thread was invaded by Close Enounters of the 3rd Grade.

Mor like Close Encounters of the 9th Grade.


Yeah he is sick. He needs To see a psychotherapist. Truly he has a sick and evil mind. He seriously needs help. I have reported him many times and will be taking this up with the authorities.

Bwahahahahahahahaha! You're gonna tell the authorities about my JOKES! You're a f**king moron if you think the cops will do something about a guy telling hilarious jokes. Now go back to your mommy's basement and f**k yourself some more.

[joaquim]

Seriously? You must be young. I heard that when I was like 7 and I am now 21.

Wow. I didn't hear it until I was in the 6th grade.

[Mcdoc]

Wow. I didn't hear it until I was in the 6th grade.I told that joke in the 1st grade :)

[joaquim]

I just now realized that my first joke on this thread was removed. At least WP quoted it so we can still read it.

[Arizona]

Wanna hear a really really funny joke?
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Joa quim

[Aidan]

http://i1075.photobucket.com/albums/w421/sly715091/BE565800-0AA4-484E-A775-553B45A5F491-2720-000001B8ABFF1F82_zps7a365608.jpg

[Aidan]

http://i1075.photobucket.com/albums/w421/sly715091/3C16D417-4864-4580-9E5F-88DA644E8217-2720-000001B9DAD1BDC3_zps90c53c11.jpg

[Ascent]

No. 4 in the 2007 Darwin Awards

After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped.

Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.

The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

[Arizona]

That's good...I wouldn't nominate that for a Darwin award. It's just too damn clever!:)

[JohnDough]

Seriously? You must be young. I heard that when I was like 7 and I am now 21.

Brain development and physical aging are very different in Joaquim's case

[War Priest]

I just now realized that my first joke on this thread was removed. At least WP quoted it so we can still read it.

I can fix that. One momenet...

[Hondo]

Little Johnny was sitting on a park bench eating handfuls of chocolate when an old man sat down next to him.
The old man said "Son, it's not healthy to eat that much chocolate."
Little Johnny said "My grandpa lived to be 110 yrs old."
The old man said "Did he eat that much chocolate?"
Little Johnny said "No, he minded his own F-ing business."

[Buggs1a]

Knock knock,,,
Who's there?
Boo,
Boo who,
Don't cry it's only a joke.

Knock knock,
Who's there?
Canoe
Canoe who
Canoe help me with my home work

Knock knock
Who's there
Lettuce
Lettuce who
Lettuce in its cold out here

[Juaco]

Knock knock,,,
Who's there?
Boo,
Boo who,
Don't cry it's only a joke.

Knock knock,
Who's there?
Canoe
Canoe who
Canoe help me with my home work

Knock knock
Who's there
Lettuce
Lettuce who
Lettuce in its cold out here

Lame......

[Baraka]

Lame......and thats been nice.

[Hello Kitty]

Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. -- When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed to find a wife with whom to share his fortune. One evening, at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary guy," he said to her, "but in just a few years my father will die and I will inherit $200 million".Impressed, the woman asked for his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.Women are so much better at financial planning than men.

[Ajk]

Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. -- When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed to find a wife with whom to share his fortune. One evening, at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary guy," he said to her, "but in just a few
years my father will die and I will inherit $200 million".Impressed, the woman asked for his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.Women are so much better at financial planning than men.

That's a good one, love it!

[albeezy]

Knock knock,
Who's there?
Canoe
Canoe who
Canoe help me with my home work

LMFAO!
http://www.funzio.com/forum/showthread.php?38346-Micro-Economics-Off-Topic-Question&highlight=homework

[Buggs1a]

Lol.
The knock knock jokes weren't meant to be serious. I was wondering if people have heard them when you were younger. That's all. I also was thinking of the banana joke but didn't feel like typing it out.

[Joaquim Jose]

Well your jokes still sucked. Don't post anymore jokes in this thread until you find funny ones to post.

[Arizona]

Well your jokes still sucked. Don't post anymore jokes in this thread until you find funny ones to post.
Who the f*** are you to tell people not to post. Following your logic, don't post anymore in this forum until you can show some maturity.

[Joaquim Jose]

You don't tell me what the f**k to do. I'll post here if I want to.

[Buggs1a]

You don't tell me what the f**k to do. I'll post here if I want to. follow your own. You shouldnt tell others what to do.

People keep reporting him to ban him.

[Joaquim Jose]

You say don't tell others what to do yet on the last line you're telling everyone to report me? Pretty hypocritical if you ask me. Don't you think it's time to go back to your mommy's basement?

[Buggs1a]

I wasn't telling anyone anything. I just made a statement.

[Joaquim Jose]

Looks more like a command to me. Here I'll repost the quote for you to see it. You're obviously telling people to report me after you said not to tell people what to do.


People keep reporting him to ban him.

[Buggs1a]

You're mis reading it. I'm not telling anyone to do anything. I'm just making a statement.

[Joaquim Jose]

Let's try this again. You posted this.

People keep reporting him to ban him.

You were quoting me and no one else was posting at the time hence you were speaking directly to me. If you were making towards me then why did you refer to me in the 3rd person POV? 3rd person POV when you say him means that you're talking to someone about someone else. You could've reffered to me in the 2nd person and say "People keep reporting you to get you banned". In that statement you were talking to everyone else.

If it was a statement and not a command, then next time use the correct POV when speaking.

[Buggs1a]

Sorry :(:(

[Baraka]

Haha like a naughty school boy.

[Buggs1a]

No just not wanting to argue.
God bless.

[Baraka]

No just not wanting to argue.
God bless.i meant bugss with his " I'm sorry" lol.

[Buggs1a]

Yeah. Just don't wanna argue. Sorry for that.

[Joaquim Jose]

Look at it with a different term. We're debating whether or not your post was a statement or a command.

[Baraka]

Yeah. Just don't wanna argue. Sorry for that.stop apologising I'm just messing. Lol.

[Buggs1a]

Ok Kenny :)
Don't fall in cus then well have to say, they killed Kenny, you bastards!

:)

[Ghost818]

Mrs. Smith comes to visit her son, Mark, for dinner.
He lives with his female roommate, Angie.

During the course of the meal, Marks mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Angie is.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Mark and Angie than meet the eye.

Reading his mothers thoughts, Mark volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Angie and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Angie came to Mark saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver sugar bowl. You don't suppose she took it do you?"

"Well I doubt, but I'll E-Mail her just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote her an E-Mail:

Dear Mother,
I'm not saying that you "did" take the sugar bowl from my house; I'm not saying that you "did not" take it. But the fact remains, it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love,
Mark

Several days later, Mark receives a response E-Mail from his mother, which read:

Son,
I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Angie; I'm not saying that you "do not" sleep with Angie.

But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the sugar bowl by now.
Love,
Mom

[Buggs1a]

Uhhhhhhhhhh. Don't get it.

[boardgames rule]

I get it thats a farely good play on the words

[Skyser30518]

Uhhhhhhhhhh. Don't get it.

Hey Buggs, you really don't get it?

[Poopenshire]

Seema pretty straight forward to me. I like it.

[Joaquim Jose]

Uhhhhhhhhhh. Don't get it.

How can you not get it? The mom put the bowl on the girl's bed and said that she would've found it if she was sleeping in her own bed. She's sleeping with the guy.

[Baraka]

Uhhhhhhhhhh. Don't get it.buggs how old are you. That was good lol.

[Joaquim Jose]

My guess, he's a 40 year old virgin.

[Joaquim Jose]

Little Johny GoDeeper entered his 2nd grade glass room and was confronted with the hottest woman he had ever seen.

After the rest of the class came in, she introduced herself as Miss Lily, and she was going to be subsituting that day.

After school he stayed behind to talk to her.

"Miss Lily, will you take off you're clothes?" he asked

"No." she replied.

"If you don't I'll tell my sister, my sister will tell my brother, my brother will tell my mom, my mom will tell my dad and he'll tell the principal and you'll get fired."

"Alright."

Miss Lily took off her clothes.

"Miss Lily, will you lay on the desk?" asked Johny.

"No."

"If you dont I'll tell my sister, she'll tell my brother, he'll tell my mom, she'll tell my dad, he'll tell the principal and you'll get fired."

"Ok."

She layed on the desk.

"Miss Lily, can I have sex with you?" he asked.

"No."

"If you dont let me I'll tell my sister, she'll tell my brother, he'll tell my mom, she'll tell my dad, he'll tell the principal and you'll get fired."

"Ok."

So Little Johny started to have sex with her. Then the principal walked in.

"JOHNY GODEEPER!!" he screamed.

Then his dad walked in.

"JOHNY GODEEPER!!" he yelled.

Then his mom walked in.

"Johny GoDeeper!!" she yelled.

Then his brother walked in.

"Johny GoDeeper, duuude!" he said amazed.

Then his sister walked in.

"Johny GoDepper." she said disgusted.

"I can't. I'm stuck." said Little Johny GoDeeper.

[Joaquim Jose]

One night a man and woman went to his house to have sex when he stopped her to say "I still live with my parents and me and my brother share bunk beds so if you want to change positions say "lettuce" and if you want to go faster say "tomatos"

So they were getting it on and she was screaming "lettuce, lettuce, tomatos, lettuce, tomatos, tomatos"

Suddenly the younger brother (on the bottom bunk) said

"Could you stop making sandwiches your getting mayonase on me"!

[Joaquim Jose]

It was the first day of a new school year.

Three boys arrive at class late and the teacher asks the first boy "Why are you tardy," the boy replies "I've been on Blueberry Hill" the teacher said "Take your seat."

She asks the next boy why he was late. "I was on Blueberry Hill also" he replied.

Then she asked the third boy, but he replied with the same answer.

As the boys we're sitting down a girl arrives in.

"Let me guess", said the teacher. "You where on Bluberry Hill aslo"

"NO.... I am Blueberry Hill" replied the girl.

[Buggs1a]

I'm 37. Have some emotional disabilities so I don't get a lot of stuff. Jokes, algebra and up, riddles etc.
It would be good if I was still a vergin since I'm not married.

[Joaquim Jose]

I'm 37. I'm not married.

This doesn't surprise me. Do you still live in your parents' house too?

[Buggs1a]

You'd know if you've read some of my older posts.

[Joaquim Jose]

Well I don't. So answer the question. Do you still live with your parents at the age of 37?

[boardgames rule]

Joaquim just lay off on the rude jokes and annoying buggs1a

[Buggs1a]

YaYeppers ...

[Poopenshire]

Buggs with Jaoco you cannot win. Its like arguing with a wall. He is incapable of understanding anything or acting in a mature manner.

[Buggs1a]

Agreed.....