upsman_17
05-30-2012, 08:29 AM
***OFF TOPIC THREAD ALERT***
If you hate off-topic threads or are just not a fan of humor, please would you kindly move along and exit to the left. I don't want to hear your B.S. about how I wasted your time if you continue to read. It has been requested that I post another "Customer of the week" story and since the past few days on the forums have been a bit boring I'll post my most recent story. Since threads about pickup lines designed to inject some much needed life and humor appear to be faux pas round these parts, I give you an a$$ hole customer experience. And if after reading you don't find the story funny....well then F you, your attitude sucks and you must have a s hitty personality ;). Your welcome.
He was one gruff & grizzled old man; a self-described “retired seaman”(heh), and he played the part well. Now his job was selling his garbage on Ebay and business was….not so good. I deal with Ebay sellers on a daily basis and have come to the conclusion that for most it is nothing more than a futile exercise of the blind leading the blind. One moron sells Widget “A” and charges price “X” for shipping. Now every other moron with Widget “A” puts up the same shipping price automatically assuming it to be accurate without ever checking it for themselves. Here’s the question though, how do they know that the first moron knew what he/she was doing? Then they come in here surprised at the actual cost. This was just ONE of the quandaries that our “retired seaman” found himself in. He brought in his items to get a quote before he lists them on Ebay (so he said). His shipment was not packed, so he needed costs for packing & shipping. The items were not breakable so packing charges would be minimal.
Admiral Douche Canoe: (filling out shipping form) “What’s the date?”
Me: “The 10th”
Admiral Douche Canoe: (in a shocked, condescending tone) “I KNOW the day, that’s not what I asked.”
Me: “Then what ARE you asking?”
Admiral Douche Canoe: “The full date….Is it 4/10, 5/10….what’s hard about……”
Me: (cutting him off) “You don’t even know what month it is and you’re giving me an attitude for assuming you meant a specific date within the month…..yeah…..who’s being unreasonable here?”
A.D.C: “I figured you knew what I meant when you saw me struggling with that part of the form.”
Me: “I’m standing 10 feet away getting a rate for your package, not watching and hanging on your every pen stroke.”
A couple minutes pass as he finishes the form and I work up an estimate. I give him the price to pack and ship.
A.D.C: “Whoa, whoa, whoa there young buck. Where are you getting THOSE prices. I’ve already sold this on Ebay and that’s double what I charged.”
Me: “You told me you hadn’t listed it yet and were just getting quotes now, how did you know what to charge for shipping without getting a quote?”
A.D.C: “Everyone else selling similar items was charging that much.”
Me: “But how do you know that those were comparable shipments or even accurate rates to begin with?”
A.D.C: (still in a condescending tone) “Well, I would THINK that someone selling on Ebay would do their homework.”
Me: “You would THINK that…..orrrr maybe they did what you did and just copied others which just perpetuates something which was never accurate to begin with.”
A.D.C: “You’re using all this big language here junior, how about talking to me like a normal person.”
Me: “I’m sorry, I thought I was. Do you need a dictionary?”
A.D.C: “I am a retired seaman.” (He didn’t specify whether that meant military or maybe he even skippered the “Ark”, he WAS quite old.)
“We didn’t talk like that on the open sea.” (Jesus Christ, now I’m about to get a maritime vocabulary lesson.)
“Plain English ensured everyone was on the right page and that’s important while in rough seas.” (This is UPS, not “The Perfect Storm” *******.
Me: (rolling eyes) “Ok, I give. You’re right, my speech is very confusing. I will work tirelessly on this. Can we get back on track here with your package?”
A.D.C: “Good idea. Why are you charging so much, when other Ebay listings are less?”
Me: “Because we are packing AND shipping it for you. When you see a price on Ebay – that’s just a shipping price. If you are having me pack it for you, you have to pay me separately for that. And you can’t really compare other Ebay listings anyway because prices vary depending on where you are shipping to. Your package is going to California which would be more expensive than a similar package going to…say…Florida. If you want to save some money, you could pack it yourself and then just pay the shipping.”
A.D.C: “If I had the means to pack it myself, I probably would have done that, now wouldn’t I have?” (things are getting rather chippy in here)
Me: “I don’t know, would you have? Maybe you’re just lazy.”
A.D.C: “Sometimes maybe that could be true.” (grins slightly) “Just go ahead and ship it, It has to be postmarked today. “
He hands me over a scrap of paper with the address written on it. By my best guess, this retired seaman has a retarded monkey in his employ that wrote this out while drunk. I could not make out anything other than the numbers. I just wanted to get Noah out of my store without anymore headaches, so I tried to decode this mess of an address myself, but to no avail.
Me: “I’m sorry, but could you spell your customer’s name.” (he reluctantly does so)
“Next, what is the address?”
A.D.C: (sighing and dropping shoulders) “Do you have reading comprehension issues son?”
Me: “No, not at all Dad. But it’s quite obvious that you didn’t pass penmanship in school. Now can you please just decipher this for me so I can make the label out correctly or would you rather I just wing it?”
A.D.C: “My writing is not THAT bad.” (strains his eyes to read me the address)
Me: (mildly laughing) “What are you TALKING about? Look at you, you can’t even read it yourself. And you expect me to understand your scribble?”
A.D.C: (he finishes reading me the address) “There…done! Not so hard, was it?”
Me: “Awesome! I’m sorry, but I’m all out of cookies to give you though….And make sure you don’t injure your shoulder while patting yourself on the back there.”
A.D.C: “Huh?”
Me: “Nevermind.” (I finish printing the label and ring him out.) “Here’s your receipt with the tracking number, you have yourself a fantastic day now.”
A.D.C: “Same to you. “ (begins to walk away, then turns around) ”You know, you’re ok there kid. You don’t put up with no sh it, and that’s important in life. I know I can be a miserable old man, I don’t get many people calling me out on it though. Good on you. ”
With that, Admiral Douche Canoe turned around and headed out the door and back to his wretched life on the sea hunting that elusive whale. And did he really just give me credit for being a prick to him? Can’t say I saw THAT one coming. Granted, he deserved every bit of snark I sent his way, but for him to acknowledge that I was correct in doing so……mind boggling. I wish they all would concede like this. I win yet again! Damn, I’m awesome. I feel as if I deserve the cookie now.
If you hate off-topic threads or are just not a fan of humor, please would you kindly move along and exit to the left. I don't want to hear your B.S. about how I wasted your time if you continue to read. It has been requested that I post another "Customer of the week" story and since the past few days on the forums have been a bit boring I'll post my most recent story. Since threads about pickup lines designed to inject some much needed life and humor appear to be faux pas round these parts, I give you an a$$ hole customer experience. And if after reading you don't find the story funny....well then F you, your attitude sucks and you must have a s hitty personality ;). Your welcome.
He was one gruff & grizzled old man; a self-described “retired seaman”(heh), and he played the part well. Now his job was selling his garbage on Ebay and business was….not so good. I deal with Ebay sellers on a daily basis and have come to the conclusion that for most it is nothing more than a futile exercise of the blind leading the blind. One moron sells Widget “A” and charges price “X” for shipping. Now every other moron with Widget “A” puts up the same shipping price automatically assuming it to be accurate without ever checking it for themselves. Here’s the question though, how do they know that the first moron knew what he/she was doing? Then they come in here surprised at the actual cost. This was just ONE of the quandaries that our “retired seaman” found himself in. He brought in his items to get a quote before he lists them on Ebay (so he said). His shipment was not packed, so he needed costs for packing & shipping. The items were not breakable so packing charges would be minimal.
Admiral Douche Canoe: (filling out shipping form) “What’s the date?”
Me: “The 10th”
Admiral Douche Canoe: (in a shocked, condescending tone) “I KNOW the day, that’s not what I asked.”
Me: “Then what ARE you asking?”
Admiral Douche Canoe: “The full date….Is it 4/10, 5/10….what’s hard about……”
Me: (cutting him off) “You don’t even know what month it is and you’re giving me an attitude for assuming you meant a specific date within the month…..yeah…..who’s being unreasonable here?”
A.D.C: “I figured you knew what I meant when you saw me struggling with that part of the form.”
Me: “I’m standing 10 feet away getting a rate for your package, not watching and hanging on your every pen stroke.”
A couple minutes pass as he finishes the form and I work up an estimate. I give him the price to pack and ship.
A.D.C: “Whoa, whoa, whoa there young buck. Where are you getting THOSE prices. I’ve already sold this on Ebay and that’s double what I charged.”
Me: “You told me you hadn’t listed it yet and were just getting quotes now, how did you know what to charge for shipping without getting a quote?”
A.D.C: “Everyone else selling similar items was charging that much.”
Me: “But how do you know that those were comparable shipments or even accurate rates to begin with?”
A.D.C: (still in a condescending tone) “Well, I would THINK that someone selling on Ebay would do their homework.”
Me: “You would THINK that…..orrrr maybe they did what you did and just copied others which just perpetuates something which was never accurate to begin with.”
A.D.C: “You’re using all this big language here junior, how about talking to me like a normal person.”
Me: “I’m sorry, I thought I was. Do you need a dictionary?”
A.D.C: “I am a retired seaman.” (He didn’t specify whether that meant military or maybe he even skippered the “Ark”, he WAS quite old.)
“We didn’t talk like that on the open sea.” (Jesus Christ, now I’m about to get a maritime vocabulary lesson.)
“Plain English ensured everyone was on the right page and that’s important while in rough seas.” (This is UPS, not “The Perfect Storm” *******.
Me: (rolling eyes) “Ok, I give. You’re right, my speech is very confusing. I will work tirelessly on this. Can we get back on track here with your package?”
A.D.C: “Good idea. Why are you charging so much, when other Ebay listings are less?”
Me: “Because we are packing AND shipping it for you. When you see a price on Ebay – that’s just a shipping price. If you are having me pack it for you, you have to pay me separately for that. And you can’t really compare other Ebay listings anyway because prices vary depending on where you are shipping to. Your package is going to California which would be more expensive than a similar package going to…say…Florida. If you want to save some money, you could pack it yourself and then just pay the shipping.”
A.D.C: “If I had the means to pack it myself, I probably would have done that, now wouldn’t I have?” (things are getting rather chippy in here)
Me: “I don’t know, would you have? Maybe you’re just lazy.”
A.D.C: “Sometimes maybe that could be true.” (grins slightly) “Just go ahead and ship it, It has to be postmarked today. “
He hands me over a scrap of paper with the address written on it. By my best guess, this retired seaman has a retarded monkey in his employ that wrote this out while drunk. I could not make out anything other than the numbers. I just wanted to get Noah out of my store without anymore headaches, so I tried to decode this mess of an address myself, but to no avail.
Me: “I’m sorry, but could you spell your customer’s name.” (he reluctantly does so)
“Next, what is the address?”
A.D.C: (sighing and dropping shoulders) “Do you have reading comprehension issues son?”
Me: “No, not at all Dad. But it’s quite obvious that you didn’t pass penmanship in school. Now can you please just decipher this for me so I can make the label out correctly or would you rather I just wing it?”
A.D.C: “My writing is not THAT bad.” (strains his eyes to read me the address)
Me: (mildly laughing) “What are you TALKING about? Look at you, you can’t even read it yourself. And you expect me to understand your scribble?”
A.D.C: (he finishes reading me the address) “There…done! Not so hard, was it?”
Me: “Awesome! I’m sorry, but I’m all out of cookies to give you though….And make sure you don’t injure your shoulder while patting yourself on the back there.”
A.D.C: “Huh?”
Me: “Nevermind.” (I finish printing the label and ring him out.) “Here’s your receipt with the tracking number, you have yourself a fantastic day now.”
A.D.C: “Same to you. “ (begins to walk away, then turns around) ”You know, you’re ok there kid. You don’t put up with no sh it, and that’s important in life. I know I can be a miserable old man, I don’t get many people calling me out on it though. Good on you. ”
With that, Admiral Douche Canoe turned around and headed out the door and back to his wretched life on the sea hunting that elusive whale. And did he really just give me credit for being a prick to him? Can’t say I saw THAT one coming. Granted, he deserved every bit of snark I sent his way, but for him to acknowledge that I was correct in doing so……mind boggling. I wish they all would concede like this. I win yet again! Damn, I’m awesome. I feel as if I deserve the cookie now.