Want a free $40 itunes card????

[Dillinja]

Forums have become a bit stale with too many serious posts and not enough laughs....
Sooooooooooo that got me thinking. Going to start a little competition for the best funny story.
Prize is £25 itunes card (roughly $40 and santa or his reincarnation is banned)

Story doesnt have to be real, but please no plagiarism.
I'm thinking of asking JC and Sez to help to judge and reasons are as follows.
JC because he's an all round nice guy, funny and fair.
Sez because I have to fulfil equal opportunity quotas (:p)

Oh, Like any funzio based event...We'll say a week and close the event after 5 days.
So closing time is 12pm Sunday 20th May.

Let it roll...

[Joeycool]

Great Thread!

I will start us off (not to be judged - Just for fun)

One fine sunny day, a fireman is polishing his engine outside the fire station, when he notices a little girl next door in a little red cart with little ladders hung on the side and a garden hose coiled tightly in the middle.

The girl is wearing a firemans helmet and has the cart tied to a dog and a cat. The fire fighter walks over to take a closer look.

"thats a lovely fire engine", he says admiringly. "Thanks" says the little girl. The fireman looks closer and notices the little girl has tied one of the carts strings to the dogs collar, and one to the cats testicles.

"little colleague" says the fire fighter, " I dont want to tell you how to run your fire engine, but if you were to tie that rope around the cats collar, I think you could probably go a lot faster."

The little girl pauses for a moment, looks at the wagon, at the dog and at the cat, then shyly looks into the firemans eyes and says:

"You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren, would I?"

[fuzzy]

OK....here is my story


I sent a digital resume and cover letter via email to apply for a position as a Android Developer at Funzio.

Within a few hours, a message from the director in charge of hiring came via email.

Full of anticipation.

I opened the email to find a message: "your resume is infected with a virus and has been quarantined."

A person cannot recover from an infected resume.

My virus raised the price of Crates and made the Android players more powerful, sorry IOS users.

I did not pursue the position further.

[Ghost818]

Here's my joke: (if that even qualifies)

Mrs. Smith comes to visit her son, Mark, for dinner.
He lives with his female roommate, Angie.

During the course of the meal, Marks mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Angie is.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Mark and Angie than meet the eye.

Reading his mothers thoughts, Mark volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Angie and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Angie came to Mark saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver sugar bowl. You don't suppose she took it do you?"

"Well I doubt, but I'll E-Mail her just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote her an E-Mail:

Dear Mother,
I'm not saying that you "did" take the sugar bowl from my house; I'm not saying that you "did not" take it. But the fact remains, it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love,
Mark

Several days later, Mark receives a response E-Mail from his mother, which read:

Son,
I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Angie; I'm not saying that you "do not" sleep with Angie.

But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the sugar bowl by now.
Love,
Mom

[kykboxr]

Joey / Ghost,

Very nice!

[Uberdork]

I hope I don't get banned...

A man with a stutter marries a woman who is an epileptic. They are checking in to their hote. "W-w-we have a r-r-r-r-reservation," says the man. The clerk registers them and gives them their room key. About an hour later, the groom comes running down to the front desk in a panic. "H-h-h-help m-m-me p-p-p-p-please!" he stammers. "M-m-m-my w-w-wife is having a f-f-f-fit! G-g-g-get some r-r-rope and a-a-a kn-n-nife!" The clerk gets the items requested and follows the groom to his room. When they get there, the clerk sees the bride on the bed, naked, experiencing a terrible seizure. Her arms and legs are flailing. "T-t-t-t-tie her arms t-t-t-to the b-b-b-b-bedposts!" stammers the groom. The clerk does. "N-n-n-now t-t-t-tie her l-l-l-legs to the bedposts!" The clerk does. Suddenly, the groom strips off all his clothes, leaps onto his seizing bride and yells "C-c-c-c-cut her loose!!!"

[Ramshutu]

This is a true story. Honestly.

When I was at school in sixth form (last year of school), we got a new head teacher who decided to change the dress code from 'no blue jeans and no funny Tshirts' to 'black and white' in some sort of effort to stem the students individuality and free thought.

Having just purchased my years wardrobe (which consisted almost entirely of Hawaiian patterns and lumberjack shirts, I was cool), I took issue to this and refused.

After a few weeks of being the only person except the really poor kid (whom someone once taunted by heating up a 50p on a bunson burner and dropping it front of him) who weren't wearing uniform, the head teacher came up to me and said 'if you do not come into school tommorow in uniform, you will be suspended.' after much pondering and a chance encountered with my elder brothers movie collection, I came upon an idea.

So, the next day I turned up in uniform. Black trousers, white shirt, black tie, black hat and sunglasses. The letters MART written in pen on my left hand knuckles, and IN on the others. Many fellow students, and in teachers asked me WTf I was doing, to which the answer was 'I'm on a mission from God'.

So the day went well, I did surprisingly well considering I had sunglasses on for the entire day during winter. I got a lot of attention from pretty much everyone, but I kept fairly closed mouthed. I wanted my thinly veiled movie reference that was my getup to do the talking for me.

But, later on during an afternoon period, the head teacher, having seen me sitting front row during school assembly earlier in the day, stormed into my classroom with a trumpet, a face like thunder and stopped the class mid flow. I think we were doing calculus, which wound me up (I am a big geek).

"There is a student here who thinks he is a blues brother, so I would like to invite him up to the front to play us something," she intoned, with sarcasm so thick you could have plastered walls with it.

Sheepishly, I walked up to the front as she stared on with a satisfied smile, revelling in the fact that I was a about to make a fool out of myself in front of my peers.

.... However, she was new, and ironically for a headteacher, she had not done her homework. Had she chosen to do so, she would have discovered that I played first trumpet in the school swing orchestra. After a few purposefully missed blues to build the tension and to gauge the satisfied smile on her face, I launched into the main trumpet solo from sweet him chicago, and then an almost perfect rendition of 'in the mood' by Glenn miller.

After the applause had died down from the now pumped up audience of cheering teenagers, the head teacher snatched the trumpet from my hands and stormed off without saying another word.

And I never wore black and white at school again.

[Aid]

Bump..........

[Boom]

Got a question, when does this end? I need to think of something funny :)

[Aid]

Got a question, when does this end? I need to think of something funny :)

Your joking right?

[Babytway]

heres my story, gimme the card or you will see me in your hood everyday terrorizing you. The End

[2Legit]

heres my story, gimme the card or you will see me in your hood everyday terrorizing you. The End

+1. Lol Same old babyT

[white frog]

One from the childhood:

One bright morning, in the middle of the night;
Two dead soldiers got up to fight.

Back to back they faced each other;
drew their swords and shot each other.

A deaf policeman heard the noise,
and came to kill the two dead boys.

If you don't believe my story is true,
Ask the blind man... he saw it too!

[bjtkd1]

Stanley is trying to get into a fraternity at the University of Alaska. In order to join he has to drink a pint of moonshine (an alcoholic beverage), kill a grizzly bear, and **** an Eskimo woman. So he grabs the pint and guzzles it in 5 seconds, then he wanders off for his next task. 2 hours pass, then he is sighted staggering back to the frat house. His clothes are torn to shreds. "OK, he bellows, "Where's that Eskimo woman I'm supposed to kill?"

[enahs1]

I'm probably not going to win, but just thought I would share. :)

Two best friends go camping together. One is named John and the other is Tyler. After a long day of hiking and doing other camping activities, they go to bed in their sleeping bags. All of the sudden John jumps and screams "Ahhhh, something bit my ****! Go get a doctor to help me!" So Tyler hikes to the nearest town and finds a doctor. He asks "my friend was bit by a snake, what should I do?" The doctor replies "you have to suck the venom out to save him." So Tyler hikes back to the camping spot. John screams what did the doctor say! Tyler says " the doctor told me your going to die"

[Spartacus]

Stanley is trying to get into a fraternity at the University of Alaska. In order to join he has to drink a pint of moonshine (an alcoholic beverage), kill a grizzly bear, and **** an Eskimo woman. So he grabs the pint and guzzles it in 5 seconds, then he wanders off for his next task. 2 hours pass, then he is sighted staggering back to the frat house. His clothes are torn to shreds. "OK, he bellows, "Where's that Eskimo woman I'm supposed to kill?"

Hahahahaha! That's a good one. I like yours and the one about the sugar bowl...

[iteachem]

Real story number one.. thinking of posting a bunch of them.. .

Happened this week in the 6th grade...to my colleague.

One of our students, probably one of the sweetest students I teach started asking all of these questions about birds and how they raise young etc. Now before reading much further... student is very limited intellectually, super sweet but very low...with serious learning challenges
We are in an animal adaptations unit right now so I didn't think much of it but he kept asking questions about how the mother birds feed the babies etc, and not just a few but a new question like every 2 minutes.... This continues in his humanities class but the his level of intensity increases and he started asking what if the momma bird isn't around, how do baby birds learn to fly....The student skipped lunch and went to the library and checked out every single bird book possible and poured over them again and again and again.

After lunch he was essentially toast in class, couldn't focus on anything but birds etc. We have seen obsessive behaviors from him before but this was at an extreme level, so a few of us pulled him out of class to figure out what was going on. He didn't want to talk, but eventually told us he knew of some baby birds that had been abandoned by the momma and he was worried. With a sense of pride, he told us it would be okay because he had learned how to raise them. He described how he would chop up worms, blend them up and feed the birds with a syringe. He kept telling us how he was going to take care of them etc..

Finally he asked one of us (the newest teacher in the building) do you want to see them? New teacher: sure, I can take a look after school. Student no.. you can look at them now. Teacher: How? Student opens up locker and has 5 baby birds in his sweatshirt. Unfortunately, they were struggling, barely chirping and have crapped all over everything. Teacher (remember he's knew.. suddenly seems like Kramer from Seinfeld not knowing what to do pacing back and forth, what do we do etc.... totally floored by this)

I jump in and we take them outside, under a tree. They were badly dehydrated and near death so there wasn't much to do but try to give student impression they would be alright. I moved them later, so the small animals wouldn't get them but they didn't make it another hour due to their poor condition....

We told student that the mom had found them and taken them back. He was really excited...we didn't have the heart to tell him the reality (remember, learning challenges and very limited..)

New teacher is now officially nicknamed Tweety....Oh, and our principal gave him the responsibility of getting the locker sanitized and calling students parents to explain the situation.... ;)

I have a bunch more but that is one of the more recent one.

[War Priest]

D, you don't come to the Modern War side anymore?

[sez]

Bump Bump Bump it up.

[white frog]

Iteachem, I sure hope your student doesn't play CC and visits this forum!

[Uberdork]

I saw a one legged guy with no arms at the ATM today.

He asked me to check his balance.......
so I pushed the fu*&#r over.

[Uberdork]

A Father buys a lie-detector Robot that slaps you when you lie.
He decides to test it out on his son at supper table.
Father asked the son, "where were you last night?"
Son replied, "I was at the library"
The robot slaps the son.
" OK I was at a friend's house, watching a movie" the son says!
The father says... "what movie?"
"Toy Story, "
Robot slaps the son," OK it was porn " cried the son. Father yells, "what? When I was your age I did not know what porn was."
Robot slaps the father.
The mother laughs and says , "He certainly is your son."
Robot slaps the mother.

[Sasha54]

Real story number one.. thinking of posting a bunch of them.. .

Happened this week in the 6th grade...to my colleague.

One of our students, probably one of the sweetest students I teach started asking all of these questions about birds and how they raise young etc. Now before reading much further... student is very limited intellectually, super sweet but very low...with serious learning challenges
We are in an animal adaptations unit right now so I didn't think much of it but he kept asking questions about how the mother birds feed the babies etc, and not just a few but a new question like every 2 minutes.... This continues in his humanities class but the his level of intensity increases and he started asking what if the momma bird isn't around, how do baby birds learn to fly....The student skipped lunch and went to the library and checked out every single bird book possible and poured over them again and again and again.

After lunch he was essentially toast in class, couldn't focus on anything but birds etc. We have seen obsessive behaviors from him before but this was at an extreme level, so a few of us pulled him out of class to figure out what was going on. He didn't want to talk, but eventually told us he knew of some baby birds that had been abandoned by the momma and he was worried. With a sense of pride, he told us it would be okay because he had learned how to raise them. He described how he would chop up worms, blend them up and feed the birds with a syringe. He kept telling us how he was going to take care of them etc..

Finally he asked one of us (the newest teacher in the building) do you want to see them? New teacher: sure, I can take a look after school. Student no.. you can look at them now. Teacher: How? Student opens up locker and has 5 baby birds in his sweatshirt. Unfortunately, they were struggling, barely chirping and have crapped all over everything. Teacher (remember he's knew.. suddenly seems like Kramer from Seinfeld not knowing what to do pacing back and forth, what do we do etc.... totally floored by this)

I jump in and we take them outside, under a tree. They were badly dehydrated and near death so there wasn't much to do but try to give student impression they would be alright. I moved them later, so the small animals wouldn't get them but they didn't make it another hour due to their poor condition....

We told student that the mom had found them and taken them back. He was really excited...we didn't have the heart to tell him the reality (remember, learning challenges and very limited..)

New teacher is now officially nicknamed Tweety....Oh, and our principal gave him the responsibility of getting the locker sanitized and calling students parents to explain the situation.... ;)

I have a bunch more but that is one of the more recent one.

Sorry iteachem - but this story has depressed me..........I like birds:(

[sez]

A Father buys a lie-detector Robot that slaps you when you lie.
He decides to test it out on his son at supper table.
Father asked the son, "where were you last night?"
Son replied, "I was at the library"
The robot slaps the son.
" OK I was at a friend's house, watching a movie" the son says!
The father says... "what movie?"
"Toy Story, "
Robot slaps the son," OK it was porn " cried the son. Father yells, "what? When I was your age I did not know what porn was."
Robot slaps the father.
The mother laughs and says , "He certainly is your son."
Robot slaps the mother.

HaHa awesome.

[upsman_17]

A little backstory, I own and operate a shipping franchise in New York. Every week (or thereabouts) on Facebook I post a TRUE “Customer of The Week” Rant/Story that gets a decent following of people reading them and re-posting them. So this is not a story new to this thread, hopefully that does not disqualify me because this was one of the most ridiculous encounters I have ever had at work and I think you guys will like it, as my Facebook peeps have. It is a bit of a long one, but if you share a sarcastic and somewhat juvenile sense of humor like me or work in a retail environment, trust me, you will enjoy.

So, here is my story:

So this hipster EMO dip**** (yes, he had the hair and glasses to match my description)was in the store to drop off a pre-paid box. Well it wasn't really a box, it was a unsecured Pelican case. He wants to ship it out as is, unlocked. Not usually recommended, but hey, its on his shipping account so I hold no liability if anything were to go awry. Depending on whether or not he is as much of a dipsh!t as he looks, MAYBE I’ll hook my man up with some strapping tape to secure the case. Since I am writing a story about it and it may sound familiar to previous stories, I think some of you may have an idea where this is heading…..but you’d be wrong….very very wrong:

DJ Pale Face: (In a sad, whiney EMO voice) “Um…hi…I have this prepaid shipping label. I was just in town visiting friends and bought some DJ equipment to take home so I can start my own DJ business. A bunch of my friends like the way I mix songs and can keep up with the flow of a party and know JUST when to drop the next song for the right mood…….

(at this point my mind begins to wander and random thoughts bounce around my head: what’s for dinner tonight….did I remember to pay the store rent….how could Justin Timberlake have been so terrible in his latest movie that I watched last night, “In Time” Just a horrible horrible wretched plot and storyline…Oh yeah back to EMO-boy who seriously needs to wrap this up, bc not to be rude, but I really couldn’t give a sh!t.)

DJ Pale Face: “So can you tell me whether or not I can ship this out as is.

Me: “Well since you have the pre-paid label you can send it out however you want – but I wouldn’t suggest it” (I open the case) “There is no packaging inside and all of your equipment is going to bang up against each other and if it gets damaged, UPS will deny a claim for insufficient packing. And also, the case is not locked or secured so anyone could just open it along the way.”

DJ Pale Face: (still sounding very whiney and sad, maybe he’s a cutter) “It sounds like you are just trying to sell me supplies that I don’t need.”

Me: “Um…Okkkkkk…FACT – you just asked me if your packing was sufficient for shipping and I gave you an honest answer and you didn’t even let me get to the point of telling you what I would charge to pack it for you. If you just wanted me to validate your crappy packing job, just tell me that’s your aim and we can just skip the whole song and dance next time.”

DJ Pale Face: “Is everyone in New York as snarky and sarcastic as you?”

Me: (grinning) “Only if they are lucky.”

DJ Pale Face: (apparently not liking my response) “I wasn’t looking for another wise crack, a$$hole.”

Me: “I’m sorry, when I get on a roll, there’s no stopping me….Back to business though…if you want to send it out like this, fine, I really don’t care – it’s your stuff. If you want me to give you a packing quote, I can do that, It’s all up to you boss.”

DJ Pale Face: “Well I’m not paying anymore, so let it go as is.”

Me: (scanning package into system) “Ok, here’s your receipt.”

Just as he was leaving, his b!tchy girlfriend (who shall henceforth be known as “The Abominable Forehead” because she had dome as far as the eye could see) stormed through the door in a panic. Apparently, the friend that they were visiting has a dog, and that dog was kind enough to drop a Howser (as in Doogie).

Abominable Forehead: “Casey’s dog just sh!t all over the back seat of the car…..It F’ing stinks!” (Did I mention it is a humid 88 degrees today? ;) “We need a garbage bag and paper towels or something.”

DJ Pale Face: “Sorry to be a pain bro, but could you help us out?”

Me: (I go to the back to get them a bag and towels) “Here ya go” (See, I’m not always an a$$hole, he was rude to me earlier and I still helped him out bc dog **** is F’ing nasty)

Abominable Forehead: (in a snotty tone) “Is THIS the biggest bag you got?”

Me: It’s a standard waste basket liner….how big of a dog have you got out there?”

Abominable Forehead: (furrows brow, DJ Pale Face sees this)

DJ Pale Face: “Don’t mind him, he likes to greet everyone with sarcasm.”


10 Minutes pass and the EMO dipsh!t comes back in with a brown stained bag:


DJ Pale Face: “Do you have a garbage I could throw this out in?”

Me: “Uhhhh, I really don’t want that in my store, I’m sure it stinks. There’s a garbage outside or you can put it in one of the dumpsters in the back .”

DJ Pale Face: “Thanks for nothing then.”

Me: “Your welcome…Oh I see what you did there, you weren’t being serious were you?” (grinning)


He turns and walks out to the right of the store towards the garbage can and 30 seconds later comes back still holding the bag and goes back to his car. I guess the garbage in front was full, so they can now take their poop sack home with them.

NOPE….

Now the Abominable Forehead storms back in:

Abominable Forehead: “REALLY…REALLY, you can’t just throw this out for us?”

Me: “REALLY, NO…I don’t want a nasty bag of sh!t stinking up my store. REALLY.”

Abominable Forehead: (notices middle island in my store with garbage) “Well, I’m just going to put this in here then, you have a good life a$$hole.”

Me: “You should not have done that.”

Abominable Forehead: “Whatever.”

Yes, whatever indeed b!tch. I waited 5 minutes to make sure they didn’t come back, went out to the garbage with plastic bags protecting my hand, snagged that doogie sack and brought it to the back of the store to exact some Karma. If you remember, DJ Pale Face did not lock his Pelican case. So I opened it up and returned to them their fetid treat. Everything was jostling around on the inside, so I am quite certain that there would be some mixing of contents. My only regret is that I would not be there to see the looks on their faces when they get back and this gets delivered to them. Now what is the lesson we have learned here today kiddies….DON’T GIVE ME NO SH!T!!!

[sez]

Lmfao!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Maniaxe]

HAHAHA! Upsman you embody everything I love about NY, and that guy and his girlfriend represents everything I hate. Thank you that story made my day!

[upsman_17]

HAHAHA! Upsman you embody everything I love about NY, and that guy and his girlfriend represents everything I hate. Thank you that story made my day!


No prob, that's what I'm here for...comic relief. EMO-boy and his gf were from Wisconsin and not NY though, so now there is nothing for you to hate about NY. :) I have lots of others but the concensus since I posted that story on Facebook 2 months ago is that is the best one.

[iteachem]

Iteachem, I sure hope your student doesn't play CC and visits this forum!

I have thought of that lol...not in this case

[Boom]

Bumper cars

[2Legit]

Ya'll got some interesting life...very entertaining :D

[mnju_03]

Ya'll got some interesting life...very entertaining :D

You have no idea. lol

[OG Kush]

Some funny things are ruined when explained, most funny things are times when you had to be there to truly be part of what really happened.

I personally laugh over almost anything.

I would like some extra gold in my hood that I want to be the best.

Thank you
-OG Kush
297-065-557

[upsman_17]

Ya'll got some interesting life...very entertaining :D

Every day is a trip. There are some real douche canoes out there and working in a retail environment often lets me witness the absolute worst in people. Thank God I'm the owner and can just leave whenever I want.

[upsman_17]

Ya'll got some interesting life...very entertaining :D

And can I just say....I enjoy it very much when you post, if for no other reason than seeing your fantastic avatar. :)

[Sasha54]

I vote for Upsman.........

[Boom]

My joke: Payam is straight

[Fig Oni]

Not for the prize but 2 quick jokes.


A very loud, unattractive, hard-faced woman walks into Tesco supermarket with her two kids in tow, screaming obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.

The door greeter says, "Good morning and welcome to Tesco, nice children you've got there. Are they twins?"

The fat ugly woman stops screaming long enough to snarl "Of course they bloody aren't! The oldest is nine and the youngest is seven. Why the hell would you think they're twins?..... Do you really think they look alike, you d*ckhead?"

"Absolutely not," replies the greeter, "I just can't believe anyone would shag you twice!"

--------------------------------------------------

One day in the future, George Bush has a heart-attack and dies.
He immediately goes to hell where the devil is waiting for him.

"I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got a couple of folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves"

George thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to the first room.
In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. Ted kept diving in,and surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over, and over he dived in and surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate in hell.
"No," George said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer, and I don't think I could do that all day long."

The devil led him to the door of the next room. In it was Al Gore with a sledge hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.
"No,this is no good; I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented George.

The devil opened a third door. Through it, George saw Bill Clinton, lying on the bed,his arms tied over his head,
and his legs restrained in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.

George looked at this in shocked disbelief, and finally said, "Yeah man, I can handle this."
The devil smiled and said...........

"OK, Monica, you're free to go."

[upsman_17]

"OK, Monica, you're free to go."


Lol. Nice.

[Dillinja]

Thanks to all those who entered, I'll be talking to JC soon and will announce the winner.

[Dillinja]

Congrats to upsman...very funny story and the fact that it was real gives it an added dimension.
Ping me your details and will get the card pinged over to you.

Thanks to all those that entered and look forward to doing something similar very soon.

[upsman_17]

Awesome! :) Thank you so much. I would say that maybe I'll finally buy some crates, but think I might have to wait and see how the pricing shakes out with them, maybe save for GC's instead. If anyone ever wants to read more stories, send me a PM with your Facebook info and I'll friend you.

[Ghost818]

Grats broski :D

[Rhino72]

Awesome! :) Thank you so much. I would say that maybe I'll finally buy some crates, but think I might have to wait and see how the pricing shakes out with them, maybe save for GC's instead. If anyone ever wants to read more stories, send me a PM with your Facebook info and I'll friend you.

Just promise us to tell us the story when they show back up in NY and blow up your store :-)

[upsman_17]

Just promise us to tell us the story when they show back up in NY and blow up your store :-)

LOL! No prob, don't think It'll be an issue though as he was to much of a self hating pu$ sy to do anything like that.

Definition of Emo from Urban Dictionary:

Genre of softcore punk music (Punk music on estrogen) that integrates unenthusiastic melodramatic 17 year olds who dont smile, high pitched overwrought lyrics and inaudible guitar rifts with tight wool sweaters, tighter jeans, itchy scarfs (even in the summer), ripped chucks with favorite bands signature, black square rimmed glasses, and ebony greasy unwashed hair that is required to cover at least 3/5 ths of the face at an angle.
Males that adhere to the emo subculture are sometimes confused with metrosexuals; indeed the line between the two is somwhat blurred, though both groups claim to be intouch with their emotional side.

Here is an example:

girlfriend: C'mon, lets have sex.
boyfriend: I'm too sad to have sex.
girlfriend: I'm sad too; lets have sex and cry.
boyfriend: I'm already crying.

Yeah, I am not scurred of this dude....now the Abominable Forehead is another story entirely - that b! tch was straight nuts. :)

[Fig Oni]

First I like to give a special thanks to Dillinja, for unselfishly making this thread to brighten up the forum.

Second You go upsman, I still thing you're brave even with gloves to handle that waste, I would have used my own feces but then again might of had the cop knocking on my door with the dna evidence.

Only can happen in america. S hit padding LOL.

[Spartacus]

Upsman, congratulations! You're story was great!

[Maniaxe]

Upsman! Congrats! That story made my day when the day was looking quite bleak. Thanks for the laugh!

And thank you Dillinja for the contest!